This post is tender and heartfelt. I see you. I have great sensitivity toward your struggle. I know that your heart is good. I know how you ache to have the life and family you have always dreamed of, how it often feels beyond your grasp. You gaze around at your friends and family members who are dating or are already married. You feel happy for them, but there is a part of your heart that feels slighted. You wonder when it will be your turn. You work so hard at being patient, staying busy, becoming the woman of purpose that you know God is calling you to be. You spend time serving, working, taking care of yourself, and praying for that unknown love that you hope and pray God will send to you. But...in the back of your mind you wonder. You feel a sense of urgency and panic. You shake your fist and call out, "God, is there really someone out there for me? Am I taking the right steps in the meantime? Is this preparation some kind of cruel joke? Every time I open my heart to the possibility of someone, the hope gets snatched away." Has this ever applied to you?
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
~Proverbs 13:12~
I looked up the meaning of the word "deferred" and I found these definitions:
- Postponed or delayed
- Withheld until a future date
Does your heart feel sick with wonder and worry about the future of your hopes and dreams? Those ones you guard close to your heart? I honor your commitment to Christ. I want to encourage you that He sees each freshly fallen tear that falls to your pillow on those lonely nights when you ache to hold or be held by another, to grow old with someone and share your love through your children, when your arms long to hold your own babies in your arms. When sometimes it feels like your own biological clock is ticking so loudly, you have to cover your ears or bury yourself in busyness to get away from it. This letter is for you, my sisters. These are words that I felt deep in my soul during my single years. I share them now with you:
"My love,
I long to hold you. Will you come to Me? I will hear and heal your heart. I catch each fallen tear.
I know you don't understand what I am doing. You feel like life has dealt you such an unfair blow. You wonder if you have done something wrong along the way, as though the blessing of marriage and a family has been withheld from you. Is this why you feel that your hope has been delayed? When your heart feels sick, you feel prone to become discouraged and depressed. I know that prolonged waiting takes its toll on you. Your eyes are constantly on the future, toward that unseen goal. The unknown stretches out before you. You cry out to Me and wonder if I hear you. Take heart. I am with you always. Let your longing be for Me. Let Me be your First Love. Look to Me always. Let the pain of wondering cause you to consider the everyday joys I have placed before you. If you begin to doubt, remember this truth:
You are my child. I am pleased with you. I see the way you love those around you. I notice the way you are turning your heart toward Me. I am preparing you for the next moments. Trust Me for the future. I hold your hope, and I will not disappoint you. Look up to Me. When your heart grows faint, let Me hold you so that you can become strong again. Hide your heart in the truth of My word and My thoughts of you. Your joy is in Me. Hold your head high, My daughter. Let Me be your healer."
Sincerely, the Keeper of your Hopes and Dreams <3
I am now on the "other side". Yet I distinctly remember that delicate and vulnerable time of life as if it were yesterday. I have been married for almost 8 years now. If you ask my husband, he will tell you the story of how I fought God's plan for us even in those early years before marriage. Don't get me wrong. I longed for a husband, a home, and a family of my own, but I often held very tightly to my own hopes and dreams for how I thought love would come to be. I tried to limit God. I ignorantly determined that I could control how and when He would choose to bring my husband to me. My hope was often deferred, but I am so thankful that God reminds me time and again, even now, to turn my gaze toward His, learn from Him, and become the woman He is calling me to be in my moments. My hope still becomes "deferred" or "delayed" in different ways. God is saying to me, even as I am married and have 3 young children of my own, to be patient, relax, and enjoy this stage. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Compared to eternity, what is this life really but a vapor?
"Yet you do know know what your life will be like tomorrow.
You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away."
~James 4:14~
Whether married or single, let's learn together to make our moments count. There is joy in the journey!!
Love, Rebecca
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