I Will Lift My Eyes

Sometimes I look down. I forget God's promises to me.  I allow the Enemy to tell me that I cannot do something or accomplish a task.  I grow weary.  My children need my attention, even when I am not feeling well. I want to rest.  God sends just the right help when we need it most, doesn't He?  When my mother-in-law came over today, she brought a pan of lasagna, her listening ear, and eyes that chose to look up even as I told her to step on the pile of dirty laundry that was on the floor, waiting to be sorted and washed.  She saw the needs.  She saw, loved, and accepted ME. As she sat and folded my clean clothes and watched my kids so that I could take an uninterrupted bath, I remembered that life is so much more than the worries and wondering.  It is about trusting Him for each moment. Realizing that it is not a coincidence that the verses I have been thinking about "show up" in a message at church on Sunday, that maybe getting sick and being at home unexpectedly to recover is really a chance to slow down, rest,  and reflect. I was even blessed by 2 high school girls that came over this evening, played with my kids, and gave me a few moments of peace.  I may not have been receptive to that blessing had I not been willing to remember this truth:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

~Psalm 121:1-2~

~ Looking Up ~

He often brings help in the most unexpected ways.  Today was such a great example of that! I wrote in a previous post about laying my palms open, expecting joy, forgetting that holding my fist tight is such a normal response, that I will have to train my mind to ask God to renew me, to change me from within. That when we seek God, the Enemy of our souls presses back hard against us. Do you ever feel like giving up the fight? In lifting up my eyes, I am reminded tonight that God is my Healer.  Have you considered that in your situation?  That He is more than enough for you?  That as you lift up your eyes, He hears you and cares deeply about what you are going through!  I was reading the parable of the Sower tonight, found in Matthew 13.  Verses 14-15 caught my eye.

“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;

    you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.

 

For this people’s heart has become calloused;

    they hardly hear with their ears,

    and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

    hear with their ears,

    understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.’

If I see with my eyes, hear with my ears, and understand with my heart, and TURN toward my Savior, He will Heal me.  What a profound truth. My heart sometimes becomes calloused. How about yours? I considered that this evening, even as my 2 year old came over to me.  In a rare moment of stillness, she sat with me and turned the board book pages of her children's Bible as I felt like a child myself at the feet of Jesus, reading this story. I think it can become easy to fall into a mode where our hearts do become hardened to the truth.  Life circumstances cause us not to "hear" truth as readily and softly accept it as we did before.  I pray for ready soil, an open heart, and a life ready to learn what God has for me in my moments.  Join me? <3

Be Renewed

Just for today, choose to renew your mind. Clear away the negative thoughts and focus on who you are in Me. Reflect on this verse:

"but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."

~Isaiah 40:31~

Guard Your Affections

"Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life."

~Proverbs 4:23~

My Child,

I see you there, in the midst of your piles of laundry, dishes, folded clothes not yet put away, piles of things you hoped to organize yet shoved in a dark corner of the room. Feelings of inadequacy threaten to drown out the promise of a day filled with hope, light, and victory.  The main message I am whispering to your soul today:

I am real, I am here. Invite me to come. I will work with you. I will help you today. You can't face this day on your own. Come to Me. I know you are weary. I know how you beat yourself down while seeing the good in others.  Your heart is sincere.  Give it to Me. You can trust Me.

Love again and always, Your Healer

Look To Me

My Daughter,

Look up to Me.  There are so many things competing for your attention today.  Seek Me first.  Include Me in every detail of your life.  Hanson eating peaches for the first time, Hannah and Hailey going up and down the slide, turning your face toward the sun and just being at peace, those are all gifts from Me.  Let me deliver you from your fears. Right now, this moment, is where I am. I am with you always.

Love, Your Lord <3

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."

~Psalm 34:4-5~

Always My Girl

I am going to write out some messages God is speaking to me, daily when possible!  Here's one for today:

Beloved,
Lift up your head.  You are My girl.  I love you dearly.  Nothing can separate you from My love (Romans 8:38-39).  Do not fear (2 Timothy 1:7).  No matter what you feel or think about yourself, you can always count on Me (John 16:33).  You will ALWAYS be My girl (Isaiah 43:2).  
Love, Your Maker

A song of praise from the past!! 
Lifter of my head!!
Hallelujah!  Hallelujah! You're the lifter of my head!!!

"He must become greater; I must become less."

~ John 3:30 ~

A Stone of Remembrance - Faith

This very day is a milestone for me.  Let me take you back to February 6, 1998.  For as long as I can remember, God has been a part of my life. I grew up going to church, hearing the Bible stories in Sunday School, memorizing the verses, praying at meals and bed time. I always wanted it to be more than mere ritual. It would be this very day that would serve as a pivotal turning point in my life.  As I considered what to write in this post, I thought back to the Old Testament.  God's chosen people had just crossed the Jordan River into the Promised Land  (Check out Joshua 4 when you get a chance.). I love this explanation of the concept, taken from Our Daily Bread:

"The Israelites of Joshua’s day placed “stones of remembrance” by the Jordan River. They were to remind their children of the remarkable providence of God as He guided His chosen people into the land of promise.

Like those stones, the statements I penned in my Bible long ago keep calling me back to important truths. They recall my own journey from childhood to the present as God has directed me through His Word to know His will.

What reminders from the past protect your heart, guide your steps, and occupy your mind? Thank God today for the great truths of the Bible that keep calling you closer to Him. Consider them your stones of remembrance."

My "stone of remembrance" for today is the moment I realized that I wanted to completely surrender my will to God.  I wanted my faith to become my own.  I remember sitting there in the gym that afternoon.  I was a sophomore in high school, just shy of my 16th birthday, my whole future stretching out before me like a new canvas waiting for each precious brush stroke of color and form.  The possibilities seemed endless. God had started getting my attention the year before, when I read Max Lucado's When God Whispers Your Name. Check out this link to part of chapter 11 here:

When God Whispers Your Name

I love the concept of choice. I have a choice about what kind of a day I will have.  Will I choose faith and freedom, or will I fall into fear and worry?  Do you ever sense that you were made for more than this life?  That you have a purpose in your days greater than you could ever imagine?  I have felt that way, longed for it most of my life.  I remember reading that book, wanting so much to live out those truths, even in the simple every day moments of life.

There, in that gym, at the youth rally, 15 years ago today, I heard God whispering my name. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears that afternoon.  Two guys had come to talk to our group of teens about renewing our first love.  Check out this link to one of my favorite songs by a group called Avalon.

Avalon -First Love

They talked about how they had known about God their whole lives, but had never fully surrendered to His will.  They wondered if any of us felt the same way.  I looked around nervously that day.  I wondered what my peers would think of me.  They already knew I loved God, right?  What did that mean? How was I living that out?  Was I willing to fully surrender my will?  To allow Him to pick me up when I fall, to stop trying to plow through life in my own strength? I am so thankful that I was.  I raised my hand that day, prayed for God to remind me of the truths of His word and His will, committed to following after Him wholeheartedly, one step at a time.  I walked down to the front that day, spoke into the microphone, that I was renewing my faith in God and willing for Him to work in my life.  No halo appeared around my head that day.  No magical potion or chant was recited.  I do know that a life, mine, was changed, a path was turned toward the Light.  

Stones of Remembrance...always adding!

In honor of this milestone, I pick up this stone of remembrance, this faith that I cling to more than the air I breathe.  I offer it up gratefully. Thank You, Father, for rescuing me, for bringing me to this place!  I never dreamed that when You called me down to that gym floor this day so long ago, that you would have such great plans for my life.  That I would move all the way across the country to raise a family and a new legacy of truth for my little ones.  Thank you for my husband, who walks alongside me, takes my hand, and journeys with me even through the tough days when I stumble and fall.  I came across some truths several years back that I like to read. They help me start my days sometimes, when the weight of the world presses heavy.  I am going to share 15 of them with you today:

1. Just for today I will take time to remember that I have blessings untold.

2. Just for today I will try to lend a helping hand to someone who is broken.

3. Just for today I will let my spirit heal.

4. Just for today I will embrace time as if there is no tomorrow.

5. Just for today I will let my mind believe the impossible. 

6. Just for today I will not lean on my own understanding but rely on God's Wisdom.

7. Just for today I will remember that I have everything I need and many things I want.

8. Just for today I will forgive and forget so that I can be forgiven.

9. Just for today I will not complain about my trials. They are for growing and learning.

10. Just for today I will tell someone I love them.

11. Just for today I will not be discouraged.

12. Just for today I will try to give my mind more strength and knowledge.

13. Just for today I will try to accept where I am, and not try to adjust everything to what I want.

14. Just for today I will not let myself become overwhelmed.

15. Just for today I will accept what life brings, though I may not understand, because I know that God has a plan.

I want to close with one more song link.  I listened to the group Avalon a lot in high school.  There was one song in particular about dreams.  I have always wanted to open my hands and allow God's dreams to become my own, not clutching too tightly to my own.  This song expresses that truth beautifully!  Keep adding to your stones of remembrance! I would love to read some of yours if you want to leave them in the comments! Our dreams are safe with Him! No matter who you are or where you have been in life....He's whispering your name, too! <3

Avalon - Dreams I Dream For You

Reaching Up

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into 

song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

~Isaiah 55:12~

I have not always been a fan of the winter season. Having grown up in south Florida, I was always used to hot, hotter, warm, and semi-cool.  The concept of changing seasons still feels fairly new to me.  I have to admit that when we drive over the pass from Eastern Washington back home on Labor Day weekend, I cringe a little, dig in my toes, wishing to grasp for that last bit of warmth and willing it to linger for just a bit longer.  Even as I sighed and got out the winter coat, trading the tank tops and shorts for sweaters and cords, I noticed something different this year.  Maybe it is because my 3rd baby and first son was born the day before Fall officially began.  Maybe it was this photo reminder that next week as we settled in to life as a family of 5.

That even though the winter chill would soon be setting in...the trees were not dying, even as the last fall leaves fell to the ground.  They were simply going into a season of rest, of peace, so that in the spring time, something new would indeed be born.  

We have had some particularly crisp, beautiful sunsets in the northwest this winter.  I started writing in a thankful journal last month, jotting down small blessings from the day that I can think about.  It is amazing how it has drawn me into so much more joy and thankfulness. Even as I was driving home one evening at dusk, thanking God for the beauty of the sunset, the bright pink colors mixed with orange against a blue sky, and those pale white wispy clouds.  It was then that I rounded a corner, and I saw it. It almost took my breath away.  Could it have been there all along, these 8 winters I have lived here, and I am only just now noticing?  Bare winter branches against a sunlit sky looked like they were REACHING UP toward heaven.  I wanted to stop time, to stare at that image forever, that even the creation lifts high to praise God.  That simple truth has held me.  The simplicity is astounding to me.  I am held together by a God who pays attention to details.  Even in the bleak of winter, we have blessings to be thankful for. That even when we fail and fall, when our shortcomings seem to be so glaringly obvious, those trees are still reaching up, reminding us that we have a Father who will not let us go. <3

Palms Open - New Beginnings

I have been thinking a lot lately about real and authentic living.  What if we chose to truly live with palms open, arms outstretched, not worrying so much and clenching our fists tightly?  I have done the latter most of my life. What about you? I have often blamed it on my family.....telling myself that I come from a long line of worriers on both sides.  Offering up these excuses still leaves me white-knuckled and fists clenched.

Is this really the way I want to live?  I have been reflecting so much these last few weeks especially.  The end of January marked the 8 year anniversary of my trek across the country from Florida to Washington....saying goodbye to my childhood and embarking on the journey of a lifetime.  Some called me crazy, others wished me well, but it was I who would have no idea that this journey would lead me closer to the Light than ever before. With fists clenched tightly, all I was left to do was to hold in my brokenness, unwilling to offer it up and live a life of freedom.  Have you ever found yourself there, my friend?  Wanting so badly for a new beginning, but hearing the call of the past or the lies of the enemy so deafening that you almost feel like covering your ears to shield yourself from the noise?

Reflecting on my first pregnancy, I remember myself lying in a hospital bed, plagued by nausea, anxiety, and panic, fists clenched tightly, wondering "God, where are you?? Please don't leave me now This is not what I thought it would be!!"  There is a song that speaks to me so clearly and I want to share it with you. In those moments of anger and frustration, when I would cry out to God that the life I had envisioned for myself was falling to pieces with each wave of panic, each bout of nausea, I would listen to an artist who calls herself Plumb.  I would play a simple hymn, a lullaby, over and over, called "God Will Take Care of You".  It would be 5 years later that I would hear this next song and remember...a gift, a blessing...a life saved...palms opened up to receive God's gifts and blessings in the ways that He would see fit....not in my own feeble understanding.

 I share that new song now with you.

Plumb - Need You Now


Could it be that the dreams we hold so tightly to are really not ours to hold?  That there are joys and blessings right in front of us, waiting for us to enjoy and be thankful for, even in the midst of such pain and grief?  I have a file in my email account that I titled "New Beginnings" years ago. In it I have written milestones of God's faithfulness since I started this journey toward new beginnings and a fresh start.

My New Beginnings ring

Out of that pain, God brought me such a gift in my oldest daughter, Hannah Marie, who will turn 5 this coming May.  She is full of life and energy.

My sweet Hannah Marie and me

So what do you say to the friend who has lost her little one just hours or days after giving birth?  The friend who tells you she has had a miscarriage....what do you say?  How do you live with palms outstretched instead of fists clenched tightly?  To truly live out this verse:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation—

    whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

    of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1 

I started reading a book by Ann Voskamp called "One Thousand Gifts".  It has honestly changed my life.  I read it over this past month at any spare moment I could find! In one chapter called "Empty to fill" that inspired my thinking on this topic, Ann shared from her heart. I am going to include some of my favorite parts: 

 "I see right through to what I am. Only self can kill joy.....

joy is a flame that glimmers only in the palm of the open and humble hand. In an open and humble palm, released and surrendered to receive, light dances, flickers happy. The moment the hand is clenched tight, fingers all pointing toward self and rights and demands, joy is snuffed out. 

Anger is the lid that suffocates joy until she lies limp, lifeless...pride, mine--that beast that pulls on the mask of anger--- this is what snaps the hand shut, crushes joy...dare I ask what I think I deserve? A life of material comfort? A life free of all trials, all hardship, all suffering? A life with no discomfort, no inconveniences? Are there times that a sense of entitlement--expectations--is what inflates self, detonates anger, offends God, extinguishes joy?.... I can feel it tight: I'm responding miserably to the gift of this moment. In fact, I'm refusing it. Proudly refusing to accept this moment, dismissing it as no gift at all, I refuse God...Why is this eucharisteo (a word meaning joy, thanksgiving in all things) always so hard?...I had thought joy's flame needed protecting...these angers...this desire to control, I had thought I had to snap the hand closed to shield joy's fragile frame from the blasts. In a storm of struggles, I had tried to control the elements, clasp the fist tight so as to protect self and happiness. But palms curled into protective fists fill with darkness. ..My own wild desire to protect my joy at all costs is the exact force that kills my joy. Flames need oxygen to light. Flames need a bit of wind....humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control...let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper surprised thanks.This is the fuel for joy's flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will..I am empty because I am full of His love. I can trust. I can let go....joy--it's always obedience." -Ann Voskamp writes almost daily at www.aholyexperience.com

This is my journey. I am willing to be open. I am counting the simple joys these days...palms outstretched, willing for God to use my story to encourage you as so many have done for me.  Thanks to those who have encouraged and inspired me along the way, who have stood in the gap when I did not have the strength or the courage to stand on my own.  To my Father who loves me enough not to shield me always from the pain of this life, but to hold my hand, sometimes scoop me up, and walk me through it.  This one's for You. <3