Truth in the Struggle

I did all the good things....at once.
Get engaged to love of life, check!
Graduate from college, check!
Cross Country move, check!
Begin teaching career, check!
Get married, check!
First 2nd grade classroom, check!
Pregnant with first child, check!!

Then came the overwhelming anxiety, nausea, and depression. Like an unwelcome dark cloud over a sunshiny day, there it was. Nothing could take it away. It had to be gone through, lived out day by day. The scars, the pain, it stays with you, a PTSD of the heart that swoops in again without warning. The meds, the prayers, the counseling....I could NOT do life without my community!! Have you had a similar experience? Anxiety and depression do not care who you are. They will overtake you without warning. It's not a topic discussed openly, and it comes back even with all the supports in place. AND we still need each other. Please know beyond a shadow of a doubt that on your darkest day, hour, and moment, you are loved, wanted, needed. Please stay here and fight for you. The good and bad. It's all worthy of time on this planet. I wrote this poem after a dark day. I hope it blesses you!

I didn't know how scared I'd feel
To let the Light shine in
I wasn't sure I'd counted the cost
To "be myself", and then...

The darkness came, of stifling depths
The struggle was real to breathe
The fears, the loss, heartaches great and small.
This path known as "anxiety".

The current was strong
A glimpse of joy broke free
Still I'm straining to see past
The shadows, of life
That truly belongs to me.

A healing road...a path...a plight
Comes to reach out and up,
Speak the truth,
Feel the light.

Be real, let them see
That healing takes time
And I claim, "BE SET FREE!"
By the truth that is mine!!

~Rebecca Joy Bunker

"I've got the Joy, joy joy, joy
Down in my heart.
Down in my heart,
Down in my heart.

I've got the Joy, joy joy, joy
Down in my heart.
Down in my heart,
To Stay!!!

Choosing JOY...A Mom Like You

Hello friends!

There's been a lot of talk lately about laundry piles, and I remembered this poem I wrote back when Hailey Joy was a baby. I had 2 young girls at the time and postpartum knocked me down. Your body, mind, and spirit take a toll going through pregnancy, labor, delivery, and then caring for your young children, and it's okay to need time to heal. I brought this poem back out because I thought maybe another mom needs to read this. To encourage you, mamas. Deep breaths, reach out, and up. You matter. You are valued. You are loved. The well of JOY runs deep. You have to dip deeper to find your gifts in the darkness, but I promise you it is SO worth the effort. There is HOPE!

 Hannah at age 2 and Hailey at around 6 months 

Pumpkin Picking Time, Fall 2010 around the time I wrote the following poem:

A Mom Like You

From one very active toddler

Hugs and kisses, mommy's girl

To a newborn, oh so tiny

Welcome to my crazy world.

Should I put on my smile

To show I'm okay?

Go through the motions

In the busy, hectic days?

There's crayon marks

On my kitchen floor

Sticky fingerprints to be

Wiped off the doors.

Piles of laundry on the sofa

Dirty dishes in the sink

Put a smile on in the pictures

Show them what they want, I think...

Or...Maybe I'm a mom like you

Who wants the best for my kids, too

A comforting smile to see me thru

the tough times 'till the sun shines through

 Now back to work

I'm barely hanging on

I gasp for breath

And find it nearly gone.

Reaching up my hands

 I find my God there

 I ask Him to hear and

Answer my tear-filled prayers.

Because maybe I'm a mom like you

Who wants the best for her kids, too.

A comforting smile to see me thru

The tough times 'till the sun shines through.

There's a new kind of normal

In my life these days

 Filled with sorrow and sweetness

 Each one coming in waves.

Being careful to savor

Each moment in time

With these little loves

Now entrusted to mine.

I do believe I am a mom like you;

Learning to hold on, AND letting go, too...

 Sincerely, Rebecca

Fall 2010

My life now: 4 kiddos ranging from ages 11-3. My sweeties, my hope for the future. Carry on, mamas! There is wonderful hope in this perfectly imperfect life!