Here I am again! I loved writing the 5 minute Friday from last week so much that I am giving it a try again. Here it is...honest and unscripted. I am enjoying the people I encounter along the way. We are all seeking and searching in this crazy life. Thanks for stopping by my site! Give it a try for yourself soon! Head over to Lisa Jo Baker's blog and connect with others on this journey of writing and authentic living. I am so glad I did! 5 minute Friday..the "How To"
START
Home is where I hang my heart.
When I came to Washington 9 years ago for the first time, as soon as that plane landed, I felt like I had come "home". I saw those evergreen trees, and I was completely taken. I have been building my life here these 8 years since I packed up my childhood and moved across the country.
Home is my resting place, where I can let down my guard, wear pajamas and no make up, hear my husband chasing my girls around the house, listening to their squeals of delight.
Home can also be a place where I hide. I push aside my piles of laundry. I take them upstairs to my bedroom and throw them in a pile on the floor so that when you come over, you will not "see" that and judge the messes as I imagine you would. That is pretty superficial, isn't it? To assume that when you come to see me, that you would judge my "home" by its outward beauty instead of the love and warmth inside.
I beat myself up over the mess. I want it to go away, but I am too tired from running around and stepping over the toys of little ones, drained from a full day of work and learning to live this crazy life to consider really organizing my home. Instead I stuff and stow away, hoping that when you come over you will not ask or need to visit those places where I hide my mess. This was not as happy of a post as I would like, but it is the honest truth of where I am.
I want to hang my heart on this home of mine, to allow peace free reign, where I can learn to organize my chaos for myself, to learn to be myself again in this home of mine. To smile and allow it to reach my eyes once again. If you stop by, I can't hide the mess anymore. This is simply me. Not where I want to be but striving for more.
STOP
:)
ReplyDeleteI have been to your house so many times. Do you remember the first time that I came over? That warm summer night? The first time I came inside, I did not see the laundry mountain or the scattered toys. I saw your home, I saw your heart, I saw the place that you are raising your beautiful children. I did not judge you by the outward appearance. I am blessed that despite the "mess" you still welcomed me into your home, that you knew that I needed you guys that night and you were willing to invite me over regardless.
Your house is not spotless, not everything has a place, things may seem chaotic, but you know what? That is not what is important. You have an amazing family, you are raising amazing kids, and your heart and compassion for others is inspiring. I love coming to your home and spending time with your family, even if it means stepping over toys and laundry. ;)
Thank you, Danielle! I appreciate your comments. This post turned pretty real, huh? I sort of regret being so honest, but maybe it will turn into a chance for a new start, to start changing and loving this life I live for myself and not so much trying to please everyone out. I'm stepping out! Thanks for joining me! <3
DeleteI loved the honesty. Sometimes that's what we need. To step out of our comfort zone and then realize that it wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be! I am learning that as well. :)
DeleteI am so there with you... wishing the clutter away... but oh so tired from my days of mommy-ing to really solve it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to read my blog. I stopped by yours and it is fun to connect with other moms and see their perspective. Have a wonderful weekend of mommy-ing and learning to live this crazy life a step at a time!
DeleteBeautiful post Rebecca. I can so relate! :)Please keep writing on Five Minute Friday, you paint a beautiful picture. I am so happy you shared- sometimes reading others' posts makes me realize I am not alone in some of these thoughts that run ramp-id(sp) through my mind.I am so glad I stopped by.
ReplyDeleteOh, good! Thanks for taking the time to comment! It is easy to feel alone in the struggles we face, isn't it? That is something I am gaining from this experience. Learning to be more real and authentic. It can be scary and painful at first, but I can feel myself wanting to change, to become a better "Me". How about you? <3
DeleteWonderful post.
ReplyDeleteThank you! <3
DeleteHi Rebecca. I loved the way you spoke of home being where you can let down your guard and hang out in pajamas. At the same time, I also understand the complexity of hiding the 'mess' from others when they enter our sanctuary. We 'know' better but we all do it to a certain extent...choosing what we are prepared to let others see! How wonderful that our Heavenly Dad sees everything and that we never need to hide from him! Know that you are Loved! Xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heather! I re-posted my words to your blog. I hope it worked okay! Thanks so much for reading my post. I re-read it and realized how real and raw it is. I don't normally like to share all that. God is doing His work!
DeleteI love your honesty too. And you wanna know the truth? The words that spoke louder than the others were that you hang your heart there (you love and are loved!) you can be yourself, you can hear your husband chasing those sweet babies around. I think my mind skipped the looking over the mess part because its the reality. Unless you can afford a housekeeper (wouldn't we all love that!!) than with 3 littles this is the season we are in. (Hers where I say self, listen to your words)
ReplyDeleteWhat beauty is in the real. The love. We both know what hurt can come from being unloved, but God has catipolted us into these marriages and mommy days full of love. And you do it w a full time job too!!!
The best best best feeling I've had a s a mom was when another mom invited me over, her house looked like mine. She wasn't apologetic. She wasn't freaked out, she just said come on in and join the fun. We have the most real authentic friendship! No masks, just grace.
I love you sweet sister friend, keep running the race.
Your heartfelt words are always an encouragement to me! Thank you for being willing to share real life with me, to speak and write the truth of where you are, and to love me in my struggles and triumphs as well! I love that story you shared at the end of your comment. Now THAT'S a friend for life! <3 I celebrate the journey God is taking us on!
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